My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
