Plan B is the new Plan A
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
