I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize