Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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