I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
