How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Randomize
