sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
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I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
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I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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