I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
