he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
