2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
