i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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