Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize