Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
