Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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