well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
What drink are we having for lunch?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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