I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
