i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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