just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish i was in the wii world.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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