bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
