what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
