best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
