dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
