WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Did you just see the Batmobile???
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
