OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
