She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Found your dick twin last night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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