He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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