I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
