i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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