it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
