Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
