My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
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So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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