i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
