Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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