I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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