Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
