sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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