everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
if only i could text you this smell
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This baby is an asshole
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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