i don't like sucking hair
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
