K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
