My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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