The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
