You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
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You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes