I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE