like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.