what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
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you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
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Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.