Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize