Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
