I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
