so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
