i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
