My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
