I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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