Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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