I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
