just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
