i may or may not be watching the land before time
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
