"it" just moved
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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