my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
