i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
