I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
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Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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