It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
