My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She bit a glass in half.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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