Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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