There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Who died my cat blue again?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
