I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
