Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
