and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
this hospital has no fireball
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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