she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
