My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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