two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You need Xanax blowdarts
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
